Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
