it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
