she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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