I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
