can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
