So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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