also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
