So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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