We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
