you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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