Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
