There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
