my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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