My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
