i may or may not be watching the land before time
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
