But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
