I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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