Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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