She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
