So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
