Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
NoShamevember. You game?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Ladies don't puke and tell
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He shit in the fireplace
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
