Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
