But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
