i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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