It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
