A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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