got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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