Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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