why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
