I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
