I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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