While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
