God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
