I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
