I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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