Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
