she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
