put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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