He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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