i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
