Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You can't special order awesome
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
