You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
