remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
