My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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