this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
