you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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