I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
