Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
