wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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