So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
